Tomorrow is the day that I go back to work. I never thought 5 1/2 months would go by so fast! The past 5 1/2 months have had their ups and downs, but I am so sad to see them go.
Tomorrow, Cutter goes to the babysitter for the second time. The first time (Monday) was great for him and horrible for me. I sat in the car after dropping him off and cried for 30 minutes, called Greg and told him I didn't think I could do it, he gave me the encouragement that I could do it and I went on my merry way, running errands.
Tonight, I left it up to Greg to give Cutter a bath and put him to bed, as I had lots of last minute things to do (including writing this blog), but as I sat here about to log on I realized that tomorrow I WON'T be here! This sudden sadness came over me. I went and picked Cutter up and took him to his room where I rocked him to sleep. I rocked him, I sang to him, and I cried!! He doesn't know any different. He doesn't know that tomorrow his life will change forever! His schedule will no longer be the same. He will no longer get to cuddle with me in bed early in the morning. I won't be here to give him a hug and kiss at night before he goes to bed. I am incredibly SAD! I need to stay strong, but I don't know if I can! This has got to be one of the HARDEST things I have ever done!! I am not just going back to work, I am going to be gone at least 2 nights for the rest of my career, that is 2 nights of his life that I will be missing. It will be up to Greg to give him the things that I normally do, he has to be MOM and DAD! He is an incredible father and loves Cutter just as much as I do! He will have to double up on the hugs and kisses, but I am know that won't be a problem!
So, I will report back on Thursday ( I am only going on a 2 day, gone one night.) to let everyone know how Cutter, Greg and I did! Wish me luck, I need it!!
Love to all,