Last night, for the first time since Cutter has been born, I felt the overwhelming urge to hold and cuddle him all night long. I haven't done it in the past, for fear that he (meaning I) would want that all the time. Well, last night I gave into my urge and I cuddled him on the couch while we both slept. I am sad that my little man will never be this little again. He will never be 16 lbs again. He will never be 27 1/2 inches long again. He will never be 130 days old again. He will never be 3120 hours old again. I am going to miss this, I am trying to take it all in.
Maybe I am feeling this way because Greg and I had the dreaded talk about me returning to work (in less than 30 days, 23 days to be exact). And I have the daunting task of looking for an at home daycare center for Cutter. How? How can you find someone to look after your baby, the way you look after him? This person will spend at least 10 hours a day with him. They have to love him, kiss him and care for him, all the things I won't be able to do.
Back to last night. As Cutter and I lay on the couch getting lots of cuddling time in, he woke up at 1:30 am with a horrible cough and was radiating heat almost as hot as a heater! I immediately stripped him down (he was in a sleeper) to his diaper and took his temperature under his arm, came back at 100.5. The first thing that went through my mind was: oh my, this is his first fever, what am I going to do!?! Then I decided to be the mom that wouldn't mind taking her child's temperature rectally so, I did. It came back at 101.5, now I was really worried. I called the Pediatricians office and the "nurse on call" called me back, she told me to give him a warm bath with a warm washcloth over his forehead and Tylenol and the fever should start to subside within the hour, it did. I have a very laid back child and last night I saw a side of him that I wished I didn't have to see. He was very inconsolable and nothing I did made him happy.
Today, he has somewhat returned to his normal self. He is laughing when Daddy walks into the room, or when Mommy gives him those good under the neck sugars! I am looking forward to having my laid back baby back sometime soon.
Was that incredible urge to hold him last night because my maternal instinct kicked in??