Sunday, May 4, 2008

Motherly Instincts?

Last night, for the first time since Cutter has been born, I felt the overwhelming urge to hold and cuddle him all night long. I haven't done it in the past, for fear that he (meaning I) would want that all the time. Well, last night I gave into my urge and I cuddled him on the couch while we both slept. I am sad that my little man will never be this little again. He will never be 16 lbs again. He will never be 27 1/2 inches long again. He will never be 130 days old again. He will never be 3120 hours old again. I am going to miss this, I am trying to take it all in.

Maybe I am feeling this way because Greg and I had the dreaded talk about me returning to work (in less than 30 days, 23 days to be exact). And I have the daunting task of looking for an at home daycare center for Cutter. How? How can you find someone to look after your baby, the way you look after him? This person will spend at least 10 hours a day with him. They have to love him, kiss him and care for him, all the things I won't be able to do.

Back to last night. As Cutter and I lay on the couch getting lots of cuddling time in, he woke up at 1:30 am with a horrible cough and was radiating heat almost as hot as a heater! I immediately stripped him down (he was in a sleeper) to his diaper and took his temperature under his arm, came back at 100.5. The first thing that went through my mind was: oh my, this is his first fever, what am I going to do!?! Then I decided to be the mom that wouldn't mind taking her child's temperature rectally so, I did. It came back at 101.5, now I was really worried. I called the Pediatricians office and the "nurse on call" called me back, she told me to give him a warm bath with a warm washcloth over his forehead and Tylenol and the fever should start to subside within the hour, it did. I have a very laid back child and last night I saw a side of him that I wished I didn't have to see. He was very inconsolable and nothing I did made him happy.

Today, he has somewhat returned to his normal self. He is laughing when Daddy walks into the room, or when Mommy gives him those good under the neck sugars! I am looking forward to having my laid back baby back sometime soon.

Was that incredible urge to hold him last night because my maternal instinct kicked in??


  1. qHow scary! I am glad he seems to be doing better today--poor little man. I was emotional like that last night, too. I wonder if its also the fact that they are starting to do more and they seem to be getting further and further from us. Probably sounds funny to mom's of 18 year olds that at 4 mos we feel that way, but maybe it is so! Good luck.

  2. Aunt 'LissaMay 5, 2008 at 7:57 AM

    Poor little man! I'm glad he's feeling better. It's scary when they get their first fever and you're not sure what to do.

    I know you're dreading going back to work .... it is hard decision on where to put your child for daycare. No matter what, no one will take care of and love your child the way you do. They may come close but there's something about a Momma and Daddy's love that you can't even compare it to. You will find that someone, who will come close enough, that you'll feel comfortable with.

    Give my sweet nephew a kiss for me! Love you all ....
    Aunt 'Lissa